Near To Me

Joshua loves to be near people.  He loves to hold hands and give big hugs to everyone.  Some people don't like this, but others give him a big hug right back.  I think he loves everyone.

Most people want to be near the ones they love.  In the movie "The Ultimate Gift", a little girl with cancer tells about her perfect day.  She says that it is being with people that she loves who also love each other.

Joshua hangin with Dad and "bro"

I spent the past couple of days with my family.  I loved being with them and I think just being together was the best part.  We watched some movies, made cookies and  some of us even went swimming in our pool. Let me insert how wonderful it is to live in south Florida where we can swim in December 2 days before Christmas.

All of this started me thinking about how God must want to be near us.  By sending His son to come live with us, He provided a way for us to always be with Him.  Emanuel means:  God is with us.

My favorite verse in the Bible is Psalm 73:28.  It says:  But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.

I hope that this Christmas you will be able to be near to your loved ones and that you will celebrate the "nearness" that we have to God.

Merry Christmas from Joshua and the Goulet Family!!!

"Here I Am"

                              


Joshua wears a tracking device around his ankle.  If he ever gets lost, someone can call the police and give the frequency number and a helicopter would be dispatched to locate him.  Fortunately, we have never had to do this even though he has left the house on his bike a few times.

We have alarms on all our doors so we will notice when someone comes in or out.  But, on occasion, the alarms get accidentally turned off.  I am always on the alert as to his location.   I make sure his bedroom door has something in front of it at night so we will hear him if he gets up.

It can be hard always being on call, like minutemen, ready at any moment to go into action.  I have tried to teach him to answer me when I call him.  He can say "mama" but he speaks it so softly, like a whisper, that no one would hear him unless they were a few feet away.

He doesn't really like wearing the tracker and has gotten into the sicssors a few times and cut it off.  To help him feel better about wearing it, his older brother, Jeremy, wore his watch around his ankle for about a year.  I try to make sure it is comfortable when they come to change the battery each month.  Maybe one day he won't need to wear it.  It would be so wonderful if he could just say, "here I am, mom," so I wouldn't be frantic everytime I can't find him.

I think God must have a tracking device on us all, because the Bible tells us that He knows every detail of our lives.  He knows every hair on our head.  He knows when we rise up and when we are sleeping. In the Bible we learn that God never sleeps or grows weary.  I guess He keeps track of us because He loves us so much, even more than I love Joshua.  That's good to remember, especially on those days when I am feeling really lost and alone.  He is always there and He will hear me call.   Even if it's only a whisper.

   

Our Aunt Craigge

"Don't let him forget me,"  Aunt Craigge would always tell me referring to Joshua.  She said once when she told him she loved him, he signed back, "I love you too."  She was so moved she said.  "He has a special place in my heart.  I love that little fella."

And you have a special place in my heart Aunt Craigge, and not just mine but in the hearts of your family and friends.  You were my dad's younger sister and I know he was so proud of you.  I have always admired your hospitality and you have to be the sharpest dresser in our family.

Your faith has been strong.  You have told me many times how thankful you are for your relationship with Jesus, our Savior, and how you are looking forward to being with Him and our other loved ones who have already gone.  We just didn't know you would be leaving so soon.

I will miss your sweet phone calls to check up on me.   I will miss hearing you tell me how special I am to you and how much you love me.  I am so grateful to be a part of this family that you love.  I have felt your strength and have been reminded by you that the best is yet to come.  Truly, you have been a faithful servant in this world and we are suffering a great loss.

I love you Aunt Craigge, you have blessed us so much with your life.  I will make sure Joshua remembers you, and until the day we meet again; I will miss you.

Joshua's Best Friend Forever

One of Joshua's best friends is his Aunt Joyce, who is also my sister.  He has a special hand sign to let me know when he wants to go to her house.  There are days he will sign every ten minutes that he wants to go see her.  She is kind of like his BFF.  She sits patiently with him on the couch as he tries to communicate with her through sign language what he wants or is thinking.

On occasion his BFF doesn't understand what his signs mean, but they don't always need words to understand each other.  They hold hands between smiles, hugs and their visit.  I think he just enjoys sitting there knowing that she loves him and cares about him.

Often words cannot express the deepest feelings of our heart.  They can only be felt by the ones who takes the time to listen to the unspoken words.  In the story of Job in the Bible it says that after all his afflictions, his friends came and "sat down on the ground with him for 7 days and 7 nights with no one speaking a word to him."  Their mere presence spoke volumes to him.   However, any consolation was interrupted when they began to speak.

I'm wondering if I have the qualifications to be a good BFF and if not, why not?  Joshua has encouraged me to be patient and  hear beyond the words that a person is speaking.  My sister reminds me that true listening takes time and practice.  Something I need to develop because every heart is worth hearing.

TOUCHED

It was a Sunday, the church service was over and I was still in the sanctuary talking with friends.  I spotted a friend's teenage son who has autism and walked over to shake hands.  When I extended my hand to Brandon, he looked me in the eyes, smiled, took my hand in his and kissed it.  I immediately felt like a princess; like royalty.  He had made my day!

My friend, Linda told me that the best part of her day was when my son, Joshua held her hand while they were watching a DVD.  She is a teacher and told me it had been a really hard day.  Joshua is non-verbal so this was his way of reaching out to comfort her.

I read a story about a man who was walking on the beach when from nowhere a young boy with Down syndrome ran towards him laughing and started wildly kissing and hugging him. The man wrote that at that moment he felt as if God was telling him, "This is how much I love you.  I am crazy about you."  An embarrassed mother ran up apologizing and reclaimed her son.  He assured her he was fine, but he would never forget it.

Sometimes the most unsuspecting souls can look into our lives where the needs run the deepest and touch our hearts with such love and acceptance.  We walk away with a depth we have never experienced, and thank God, we are never the same.

Churchless

Finding a church home is hard these days and it's getting even harder.  Many churches do not offer anything for the special needs child and the ones that offer a ministry may not work for your child.  Most of the families I know with a special needs child do not attend church or have long spans of time where they do not attend.

Of all the places to find acceptance, the church should be number one on the list.  Clearly in the Bible Jesus paid special attention to the children and took great notice of those suffering.  He did not blame, look down on or cast away those considered insignificant at that time.

I was telling a friend that when I attend his church, no one speaks to us.  His answer to me was, "that is not their fault."  Then whose is it?  Shame on us when we do not welcome people who walk through those church doors no matter how they are dressed, what they look like or how uncomfortable they might make us feel.  We should welcome them the way Jesus welcomes each sinner that turns from their own path to follow Him.  Hallelujah, praise God, nothing else matters anymore but that you are here now!

It's not easy loving people who are different.  Some people with special needs are loud and embarrassing and some drool.  But, other people lie and gossip.  Which is worse?

I'm on a mission on my "Joshua Journey" to learn to love everyone no matter what; because God does.  And, I don't know about you, but I want to be just like my Father.

Through His Eyes

There is a 75% chance or greater that your marriage will fail if  you have a special needs child.  I know of families that seek to adopt special needs children and I say "God bless them".  If my husband, Allan and I did not have a relationship with Christ, I don't know how we would survive. Thank God for a husband who is patient and does not give up.

Raising a child with special needs can be exhausting physically and emotionally.  Some special needs children do not sleep well which puts an additional drain on the parents.  My heart goes out to all the single moms who are doing this job alone.  Their greatest need might just be five minutes alone to spend on themselves.

Probably the greatest thing I have learned on this journey is that I am not alone.  I have a God who is leading me and is with me each step of the way.  I like what Coral Bergmann says in Jenny McCarthy's book "Mother Warriors".  "...I am not alone.  I have had a chance to be reacquainted with God.  Not the God you meet in your Sunday best in church, but the God you meet on your kitchen floor at three in the morning."

Whatever your struggle may be, however dark your day, God is there and takes note of each tear.  Your pain is never wasted when you give it to Him.  He has this amazing way of creating something beautiful out of what the world would reject.  He makes what looks like a mistake, into a miracle.  His vision is so much better than ours.

Lord, everyday, let me see ... through Your eyes..